Grand Jeté

The past few weeks have been a roller coaster of events and emotions.  I’m fortunate that I have a few angels who put there wings over me and help me to forget the vultures and crows who just circle without landing. Asking others  “how is she doing”   Another cancer, another opportunity to thin the herd, another reason to buy Cheetos.

Neuropathy is still hot and heavy despite the very best efforts of Doctor M,  I can no longer lift dishes or glasses without fear of letting go of them accidentally. I drink my hundreds of cups of tea a day with both hands. Next step: Sippy Cup!!! The exact description of neuropathy :   Peripheral neuropathy (PN) is damage to or disease affecting nerves, which may impair sensation, movement, gland or organ function, or other aspects of health, depending on the type of nerve affected. Patients with peripheral neuropathy may have tingling, numbness, unusual sensations, weakness, or burning pain in the affected area. Oftentimes, the symptoms are symmetrical and involve both hands and feet. All of this is caused by chemotherapy. Not everyone is affected. Not everyone complains as much as I do…Just my DNA I suppose.  There are too many side effects from being treated for cancer to list here. Many are devastating to patient and caregiver and they run from simple nausea and hair loss to the inability to eat or life threatening cardiac issues . My worst side effect is “chemo brain”. I may appear to be solving errors made by Einstein, but in fact Im looking in the refrigerator for my car keys..(true story)…I’m sure I have already said this, but I can’t remember. My husband calls it “Dory” syndrome….dory.png

According to my weekly blood work, MRI”s, PET and CT scans,  chemo is working beautifully thanks to Doctor N. The man knows his cancers and isn’t afraid to jump in feet first. No sugar coating which is jarring at first, but you learn to appreciate the honesty this dedicated man affords you. Yes, we can try to manage it, no, we can’t cure it…I would say that’s pretty honest.


Grand Jeté

Grand jeté is a classical ballet term meaning “big throw.”  It describes a big jump where the dancer throws one leg into the air, pushes off the floor with the other, jumping into the air and landing again on the first leg.  Starting any type of chemotherapy is akin to being thrown into the air and hoping and praying you land gracefully. As I mentioned in previous posts, my people historically do not jump. We were meant to be close to the ground so as not to miss a beet or errant potatoe. This position also helped to avoid wind gusts so prevalent in Siberia….


painting by: Siobhán McGuire

16 Replies to “Grand Jeté”

  1. Complains? You must be kidding! Your blogs are heartfelt and honest and I admire you so much for posting it. I may be one of those people who ask others “how’s she doing” since I’m back and forth to Florida and we have not connected. Just know we are thinking about you and always sending our love…

    Sent from my iPhone



  2. I can only describe your dealing with this illness like that of a ballet dancer. You take each step with grace. As difficult as any position is to hold you always appear poised and ready for the next move. Much love to you:)

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Amazing news that the chemo is working. Wow. Fight in. And u should understand that many times I and am sure others think of u and wonder how I are doing. But don’t want to bother u. A fine line. ❤️

    Joanne Goldberg



  4. Your writing is so eloquent it is hard to even respond, Each word can be understood and felt in my head and heart.
    I do read ever entry but I don’t comment every time but each one serves to ground me in what is and isn’t important.
    You tell stories that serve as lessons told with grace and honesty. Love you Carla.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s