Today starts #14 of fulfirinox and the 5FU 48 hour pump ( Mr. Pumpy)  I wear.  I thought by now I’d be cured, running marathons, fixing up an old home, rewriting the Articles of Confederation and a few other small projects I’ve been putting off. A common thread among many chemotherapy patients is you stop planning and “live in the now”. A hard concept to grasp for the chronically antsy.  Living in the now means no long-range  vacation planning or extended family dinners or picking up a few things on sale for next summer. You live today and you enjoy it the best you can. Your life revolves around what day and hour a particular side effect will hit you and believe me, they never forget to make their presence known . A fellow cancer warrior of mine keeps an extremely detailed diary of their side effects and the day and hour they hit. I thought this was a little OCD but soon learned they plan life this way. They manage to get in trips and get togethers and lunches with friends this way.. Brilliant!!!

Thanksgiving is fast approaching. For a vegetarian family its not about the turkey but about all the side dishes which become your main dish. A Thanksgiving at my table had a minimum of 8 dishes. When my kids were little and bombarded with turkey pictures, turkey commercials and the endless handprint turkey pictures (4 plastic bins worth in storage) sent home from school, I had to be creative in my answers to why we didn’t have a giant bird on our table. I could have explained that the Pilgrims didn’t have turkey either but mostly vegetables and fish but when your 2, 8 and 10 who gives a rats ass what the Pilgrims ate. They wanted Pocahontas to walk through the door with a Butterball turkey!! PRONTO!!!!  The hubs and I wanted them to appreciate the real meaning of Thanksgiving and not associate it with a bird bred to be abnormally humongous and flightless.  I channeled my inner PETA as best I could and we all agreed (mostly) to be thankful for that day. For all of us sitting at a table together and pretending tofu was turkey with carrot wings and cranberry eyes. We lived those days to its fullest. Something I lost along the way but now working on with the help of some good friends and knishes from a very friendly jeweler and a nurse who became my mom…



A classical ballet term meaning “separated, thrown apart.” It is one of the eight directions of the body.  “Ay-kar-TAY“.  Chemo can throw you in a million different directions in a single day.                                                                                                                    Happy Sad Mad Devastated Hopeless Confused Forgetful Angry Depressed




15 Replies to “Écarté”

  1. I often say we’ll take a particularly tricky passage “one day or one step at a time “.
    You are living this phrase to its fullest extent . Some would handle this dynamic clumsily- flailing about. You eloquently defined it & are gracefully living it.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. The way we teach children holidays in schools like Thanksgiving and Christmas has a polarizing effect on children that don’t fit into that standard “Norman Rockwell” Family.
    Vegetarian or Kosher Jew…public education has never been a welcome haven for diversity and children are rarely equipt to combat the rejection from their peers.
    I love your posts. Thank you…Wishing you a very happy holiday with you and your family.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Very true Mark..The “Rockwell” pictures were always around growing up. Happy family at a large table, everyone well dressed and a beautiful table. Not my experience at all but these images were impressed upon us at school for years.
    Diversity??? Hard to find in schools even today…
    Have a great holiday …love you much


  4. Once again brilliantly written. I sit in the audience watching you preform.I am mesmerized,torn apart,clapping madly.Throwing you flowers. I hope that you will be throwing the flowers back at me and we will have a good cleansing laugh.

    Liked by 1 person

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