Fondu

This week I thought I would repost a very insightful post from a fellow blogger. One reason for that is I have crazy neuropathy from chemo which makes using a keyboard really hard and secondly, this post is very heartfelt and raw.  If your new to my blog, you will see I don’t sugarcoat anything, including my own thoughts.

Enjoy and please let me know your thoughts in the comment section below. I appreciate the feedback greatly…

People with cancer are supposed to be heroic. We fight a disease that terrifies everyone. We are strong because we endure treatments that can feel worse than the actual malignancies. We are brave because our lab tests come back with news we don’t want to hear.  The reality of life with cancer is very different from the image we try to portray. Our fight is simply a willingness to go through treatment because, frankly, the alternative sucks. Strength? We endure pain and sickness for the chance to feel normal down the road.  Brave? We build up an emotional tolerance and acceptance of things we can’t change. Faith kicks in to take care of the rest. The truth is that if someone you love has cancer, they probably won’t be completely open about what they’re going through because they’re trying so hard to be strong. For you. However, if they could be truly honest and vulnerable, they would tell you:   1. Don’t wait on me to call you if I need anything.  Please call me every once in a while and set up a date and time to come over. I know you told me to call if I ever needed anything, but it’s weird asking others to spend time with me or help me with stuff I used to be able to do on my own. It makes me feel weak and needy, and I’m also afraid you’ll say “no.”    2. Let me experience real emotions. Even though cancer and its treatments can sometimes influence my outlook, I still have normal moods and feelings in response to life events. If I’m angry or upset, accept that something made me mad and don’t write it off as the disease. I need to experience and express real emotions and not have them minimized or brushed off.    3. Ask me “what’s up” rather than “how do you feel.” Let’s talk about life and what’s been happening rather than focusing on my illness.       4. Forgive me.  There will be times when the illness and its treatment make me “not myself.” I may be forgetful, abrupt or hurtful. None of this is deliberate. Please don’t take it personally, and please forgive me.        5. Just listen. I’m doing my very best to be brave and strong, but I have moments when I need to fall apart. Just listen and don’t offer solutions. A good cry releases a lot of stress and pressure for me. Ad closed by Report this adWhy this ad?   6. Take pictures of us. I may fuss about a photo, but a snapshot of us can help get me through tough times.  A photo is a reminder that someone thinks I’m important and worth remembering. Don’t let me say “I don’t want you to remember me like this” when treatment leaves me bald or scarred.  This is me, who I am RIGHT NOW. Embrace the now with me.   7. I need a little time alone.  A few points ago I was talking about how much I need to spend time with you, and now I’m telling you to go away.  I love you, but sometimes I need a little solitude. It gives me the chance to take off the brave face I’ve been wearing too long, and the sil1ence can be soothing.   8. My family needs friends. Parenting is hard enough when your body is healthy; it becomes even more challenging when you’re managing a cancer diagnosis with the day-to-day needs of your family. My children, who aren’t mature enough to understand what I’m going through, still need to go to school, do homework, play sports, and hang out with friends. Car-pooling and play dates are sanity-savers for me. Take my kids. Please. My spouse could also benefit from a little time with friends. Grab lunch or play a round of golf together. I take comfort in knowing you care about the people I love. 9. I want you to reduce your cancer risk. I don’t want you to go through this. While some cancers strike out of the blue, many can be prevented with just a few lifestyle changes – stop smoking, lose extra weight, protect your skin from sun damage, and watch what you eat. Please go see a doctor for regular check-ups and demand follow-up whenever pain, bleeding or unusual lumps show up. Many people can live long and fulfilling lives if this disease is discovered in its early stages. I want you to have a long and fulfilling life. 10. Take nothing for granted. Enjoy the life you have right now. Take time to jump in puddles, hug the kids, and feel the wind on your face. Marvel at this amazing world God created, and thank Him for bringing us together. While we may not be thankful for my cancer, we need to be grateful for the physicians and treatments that give me the chance to fight this thing. And if there ever comes a time when the treatments no longer work, please know that I will always be grateful for having lived my life with you in it. I hope you feel the same about me.

 Kim Helminski Keller is a Dallas-based mom, wife, teacher and journalist. She is currently receiving treatment for thyroid cancer.

 

 

Fondu

“Melting or Sinking down”. It describes the gradual bending the knee of the supporting leg. It is the same as a plie, but Fondu means you do the plie on only one leg. I’m experiencing this “melting”. Some days the floor seems to slowly get closer to my face and other days I feel like I’m floating . This is just one of the side effects from the                    fulfirinox I’m receiving.

 

fondu_side1                 .

21 Replies to “Fondu”

  1. Every one of these blogs are so helpful for those that don’t know and understand what to say or do. The realities are harsh. The importance of finding something that makes you (us) smile everyday can never be understated. Love you!!!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. A wonderfully heartfelt synopsis of the struggle against a disease.
    I believe it could be synthesizes what it takes to be a good friend in general and more so when one is ill. Personally I’d walk through fire for you,, Carla, but wish that you shouldn’t have to experience such in your life. 💜

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Hi Pal. You are the captain of your ship. I will be guided by what you and the family need with your guidance. “What’s up” works for me – I am very guilty of “how ya feeling.” Over the course of the last dreadful 6 months I have attempted to be supportive consistently – please let the people who love you (me) in more. I can take it, being tough is overrated and unnecessary with my best buddy. Always here for you and the family. With much love Debbi

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Debbi, Love your “whats up” texts. Reminds me that your thinking of me.. Captain of my ship?? If I was it would have already grounded and the rats would have abandoned ship…Not sure I agree with your thought of me being tough. I have always flown below the radar because it felt safer there..

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  4. Thanks Carla,this is pretty accurate for me.I got to the end and saw Thyroid cancer,i had at 18,piece of cake(just surgery),kept smoking til 23 when peritonitis almost took me and i quit.Back then,as now (thyroid cancer)i think,high on the list of survival(if caught early),Lung cancer was still the top killer.Blessed with 40 years of good health,great family,career etc.I try to remind myself that even “normal” folk could succumb to a wide variety of diseases/accidents etc.,and i could outlive them many years,we just don’t know.

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    1. Your right Sue, even normal people can be a target.. I never smoked, drank lightly and have been a vegetarian for almost 40 years…Go figure..Congratulations on. 40 years of good health!!!

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      1. Thanks.When as a teenager Steve Jobs lived 2 miles away and but for his biography had no idea exactly what our pancreas was for.He was on a pretty strict “clean” diet as i understood,and still succumbed.

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  5. Thank you Carla for your candor and willingness to present the often unspoken horror faced by cancer patients. I have recently changed roles to work in Immuno-Oncology. I will share your blog with my team as we all double down our efforts to offer new and more tolerable therapies to patients. Lots of folks are working really hard to find alternative treatments to make cancer a chronic if not curable disease. Hang in there! Hugs to you and the family.

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  6. Unfortunately having gone through this with too many friends – I still many times struggle with the right thing to say, what to talk about or not talk about, what to do or not do. The honesty of this post is a reminder that the best thing to do is be truthful, present and real. Your ability to blog and be so open about what you are going through teaches us all so much about love, life and friendship. Know that you are loved for the being the amazing woman you are and have always been. If everyone can take just one lesson from the way you have and continue to live your life then we are all better humans because of you! Love you!

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Rene that was just lovely…I’m hoping to impress upon people that saying the “right thing” is not always right, but being honest in your thoughts and emotions can go a lot further. When I was diagnosed with breast cancer in ’09, the best comment I got was, ‘ wow that sucks”..because it did suck and it made me laugh

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  8. Well,I’m a crier, so if you feel the need and want someone to cry with I’m your girl. I’ll bring tissues or if you’re a hanky girl I have a vintage collection. And they all have YOUR initial on them.

    Liked by 1 person

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