This week is the second to last chemo session until my next set of scans, (PET,MRI and CT). Usually these are done pretty close together so I literally glow for days. I took an extra rest week off so I could celebrate Rosh Shoshona with the fam. My older son came home with his girlfriend, my daughter came with two friends and my younger son had his bud over as well. My in laws visited as well so it was a super nice couple of days. Almost normal!!

You know when you buy a new car and then start seeing a million of them on the road??

I have become very attuned to the enormous amount of advertising online and on various social media platforms proclaiming “How To Cure Cancer With Avocados”  “What Your Doctor Doesn’t Want You to Know” “Incas Discovered Cure for Cancer” ( love that one). “Alkaline Diet Cure”, “Ketosis Kills Cancer Cells” and my personal favorite;  “Rasputin Cured Royal Family of Cancer”.  If you know of any others, please let me know.. This type of nonsense gives chemo patients a false sense of hope . I realize and acknowledge that when you on the edge of a precipice, these “cures” offer some a emotional life line back to terra firma. Unfortunately, they are not science based nor are they FDA approved and many are just dangerous. Many will forgo the traditional route of chemotherapy/radiation and clinical trials when they are told there is nothing left to try and/or their confidence in western medicine is waining. I understand, I really do. No one wants to be told “There is nothing left to try now lets call hospice”. You want something solid to hold onto. Something that wont let you fall down. It is precisely why these shams are so popular. They tout themselves as cures when we know many types of cancers are not curable but manageable long term. Pancreatic being one type of cancer that is not curable but manageable for many.  As soon as your browser has the words, “pancreatic cancer” in its memory, you are targeted by these snake oil salesman, the essential oil ladies who peddle their frankincense and myrr on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter. Chiroquackters  who tell you that manipulating your spine and flashing colored lights is the cure for everything including damp crawl spaces and insomnia. Again, these are the things a desperate soul wants to hold onto. Sadly, they are empty promises that bleed your bank account and your mind dry.   I didn’t address marijuana, canabanoids,edibles or oils because I don’t know enough about them, but from what I’ve read and the many many people I’ve spoken to it seems to be helpful for them, especially where a lack of appetite or nausea is concerned. Personally, I’m not at the point of trying cannabinoids for my side effects, but at some point I just may give it a go. In fact, a good buddy of mine gave me a “gummy bear” with strict instructions to just slice off tiny amounts. I love this girl…I still have the intact gummy bear hidden away for a rainy day.

I’m sitting at chemo now watching the first of 3 drugs drip slowly into my port, so you’ll have to excuse the above rant. I overheard another patient say they take 1 tablespoon of baking soda and molasses 3 times a day to kill cancer cells. If the oh so adorable Dr. Nazha heard this I’m sure it would warrant a swift swat on the keppy ..


The railing that a dancer uses for balance in the beginning exercises of a ballet class. This long rounded railing is the solid, reassuring part of a dance studio. You can’t fall while holding on. You can look as graceful as a swan when there is something solid in your hand keeping you straight yet beautifully fluid in your motions. I loved barre work. It made me feel airy and light knowing I couldn’t fall down. In reality, the barre is not what makes you this way, its all you with something solid to hold onto.



30 Replies to “Barre”

    1. Hehe…. I need your mom to walk me through these delicate life moments. She has a certain finesse I sorely lack. We have a date with a burger, please join us with the lil men… Love you Lila💜


  1. As a Catholic former ballet dancer I love your Jewish spin on cancer related to ballet! It is genius! I’ve been looking for your next post because I think of you and worry about you. I will continue to hold you in my prayers and thoughts for you to become strong and healthy again! When that happens I will put my Pointe shoes on (ouch) and do a lovely pirouette just for you! As my ballet teacher told me “Men sweat, women perspire, and dancers glow”! May you continue to glow!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. You must have been a very good Ballerina, unlike me…your attention to detail and your writing ability isn’t vegetarian chopped liver either. Love to you and your wonderful family.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. You have not spoken about your feet…A dancers feet show the true brutality of the eternal striving for the ethereal…You want to overcome gravity but your feet ,they are your will to live the ethereal. Love you and your feet.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Your feet…you forgot your feet…those battle scared magical parts of you that lift you beyond gravity and keep the etheral beauty you are. I love your feet..


  5. Love your writings, love your spirit and love you! Wishing you all you can wish for yourself and more as we start the new year! I will go to synagogue and say prayers for all of us!!!

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Your words are so powerful and are such a wake up call to me each time I read your blog.
    It’s so easy to get pulled into unimportant and petty bullshit daily.
    Thank you for sharing your process, experience and feelings.
    Love you

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you Mark. Your right about petty bullshit and the unimportant snippets of your life. Unfortunately, from my point of view, I see people completely wrapped up in it . Thanks for reading my rant💜


  7. Wow! Did I get a surprise today. I volunteer at Arc in Ventnor on Thursdayt…..and this VERY Hip Lady walked in with an energy in her step with a cool Hat tights cool vest and her beautiful smile. Our Carla looked “”FABULOUS”. Amazing! She made my day…Carla is s Gladiator and Super Woman. 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🌈💞


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