First Position

The end of my “rest week” is coming to a close this Mothers Day. The happy feelings of seeing your children successfully navigate into adulthood are mingling with dark feelings of dread. Hoping against hope you will see your husband retire and realize his dream to bake 24/7,  weddings, partnerships, grandchildren G-D willing. These are no longer guaranteed to me but are now relegated to possibly, maybe or hopefully. They are random thoughts in my head day and night. These thoughts prevent me from continuing my online shopping addiction or buying new real estate to play with.

I had a set back with an infection at the port site..Having a compromised immune system makes me susceptible to any and all germs. Since a port is a piece of hardware, if it becomes infected, it must be removed. It cannot be treated. Fortunately, my friendly neighborhood ID doc hooked me up (literally) with new antibiotic, (Dalbavancin)  ..Add a few days of oral Cipro and hopefully  it was kicked in the butt and chemo can go on as planned tomorrow.

The last 2 days were the days I have felt the best. This makes sense because they are the farthest from the infusion days..I was really hungry, had no nausea and very little pain to speak of..If this trend continues, it will make planning anything easier knowing I have 2 or 3 good days to look forward to. The lovely Mary came home to visit with her usual bag of gifts and goodies. Today she took me to my happy place….Langs Garden Center..The mother of all boutique garden stores…$200 later and I’m a happy camper.. So as my anxiety about tomorrow grows and intensifies throughout the day, I go outside and look at my chaotic but very happy mess of a blooming garden. I offered up some very pretty purple Clematis to hopefully satisfy:

The Hopping Bastard Bunnies”

In hopes they will leave everything else alone…..

The positions of the feet in ballet is an important part of classical ballet. It defines the placement of feet on the floor. I’m ready for first position. My feet are firmly grounded on the well worn wooden floor at Miss Elayne’s Ballet Tap and Jazz School on Union Turnpike in Queens..I am determined to hold onto this position. To accept whatever is necessary to get me to the next position gracefully..


6 Replies to “First Position”

  1. This is your amazing self being strong like the ice flow people we are. You are loved not for this ,but for the very beautiful center .


  2. Carla, it’s been a long time since we had contact. I am sorry to hear you are still fighting cancer. Hope you’re doing better, since the last post was five months ago.


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