Today is my first day of chemotherapy for pancreatic cancer of undetermined stage and grade. “Chemo” for those in the know. Writing that sentence makes me nauseous. I was diagnosed about 10 day ago with what I thought was low back pain. WRONG!!!!! The next few days became a blur of appointments and tests and biopsies. I gave more blood than I thought I had, I’ve had scans that warned me to stay away from children and pregnant women!!! WTF! I have slid in and out of tubes all the while freezing in those crazy cold rooms wearing only a gown. I’ve seen more specialists and have gotten more opinions than I can count. Last Friday I had a port put in . I should have opted for the light sedation and skipped the Valium. It hurt like a MoFu…What it boils down to is me sitting in a big round room (also cold) with people much older than I am all connected to a needle delivering toxic concoctions: Irinotecan,Leucovorin,Eloxatin,Fluorouracil,Neulasta and Procrit all in the hopes of living a bit longer. I should be a pro at this since I’m an 8 year breast cancer survivor as well.That was a cake walk in comparison. I’m looking at it like a dance class from 3rd. grade. Everyone else seems to know the steps, what to bring, what to expect. I’m the odd man out. I don’t have the right dance clothes and I’m a klutz.